Iszimation - Thoughts on an X

Article

Spirituality

Thoughts on an X

Hide Abstract

Lately I have been missing an old friend of mine. This is a spiritual friend of mine, of whom I so happened to double-cross amidst the quagmire of my darker days. It would be awesome to talk to him again and share the things I've learned. I have actually talked with him once since the fall out and it was a very good talk which we both, I believe, walked away from as better persons. Interestingly in that dynamic, I was also falling out of a relationship with the X girlfriend I spoke of in a previous article on forgiveness. In effort to attempt to get hold of my long lost friend I called my X who is sister to my friend.

When she answered the phone, I knew instantly from her voice she was not pleased to here me having called. I asked her if I could get a way to contact her brother, to which she replied, "I don't think that is a good idea." I told her I respected that, asked her how she was doing, and apologized for bothering her.

Even though the conversation was very short, it told volumes about a great deal of many concepts I find fascinating with regard to subjects such as:

Control and power over others
Forgiveness
Letting go (Surrender)
Love
Ego
Fear
Denial
Stagnation
Others...

Upon hanging up I imagined myself in her shoes, what she might be thinking, perhaps how she wished I had never happened to her. How I would never call her, and ultimately leave her alone, how much effect I have even now over her.

My X and her brother no longer speak to each other either. When she spoke and said "I do not think that is a good idea," I reflected in my head how unfortunate it must be to suffer like this, to choose to live the rest of one's days in resentment over another's actions, resentment over one's self, and to ignorantly want to continue to harbor this resentment kept ever warm as if by a child's very own personal safety blanket.

I understand. I have my own resentments in life, and I cherish them as well. But how I wish she would not. How I wish she would let them go, surrender them in favor of an inner knowledge that there is not a single soul on this planet (including myself) that has an iota of control over another's life. People exert power over others because they are ignorant--they, meaning both victim and abuser, in complimentary ignorance. Truly how can she possibly discern whether it is a good idea or not if I were to talk with her brother? Good for whom, I wonder? How can anyone determine what is truly good for another. Soul ownership over the choice and determination of fortune or misfortune rests entirely with the beneficiary.

So in effect, with such brevity, she was really telling me that she prefers to retain the resentment she has come to know and cherish. Perhaps because it has become so familiar to her. She would rather things just stay the way they are. The prospect for amends, renewal of kinship, revitalization of spiritual growth, higher knowledge, opportunity are absent in a victimized soul. Absent not because of the reality experience defining a victimized action past, absent by choice between the comfort of an illusory safety blanket and the keen ego awareness that growth is naturally a painful experience.

How I wish she would let go, surrender her choice for resentment, and step into a light knowing that there is an eternal energy within her that no one can harm. How I once admired her critical thinking capacity, premonition, and creative gift. She is such a powerful woman. How much more so would she be if she would just let go.

Comments

There are no comments for this content.

NOTE: Comments require approval and therefore may not appear after submission.